Mayhem on Truman Road

By Dorothy “Dot” Baxter, Jackson County’s resident truth-teller

Independence woke up yesterday to an unusual hum along Truman Road: Crazy Cone Co. had unleashed its prototype Autono-Scoop, a self-driving ice cream truck that dispenses cones—often at 15 miles per hour over the speed limit. Within minutes, retirees from the nearby Sherwood Estates were in full pursuit, brandishing folding walkers and iced-tea glasses as makeshift catching nets.

“I haven’t run since high school,” confessed one breathless eyewitness at Price Chopper. “But I wasn’t going to let that mint-chocolate chip slip through my fingers!”

Citizens’ Top Complaints

1. Random stops at obscure cul-de-sacs (including Mrs. Ferguson’s prize begonias)
2. Cone distribution through the passenger side window—sometimes while freight-training down the highway
3. Confusion among local GPS devices, which now identify Truman Road as a “dessert delivery zone”

City Councilmember Tom Jenkins has already called an emergency session for July 3rd, urging colleagues to consider: “Do we regulate robotic gelato chariots, or just let them roam free until someone’s cone melts in their lap?” Meanwhile, eavesdropping at the Methodist church social hall revealed whispers of a secretive “Mr. Sprinkles” tech donor behind the Autono-Scoop project.

Dot’s Takeaway

I’ve been around long enough to know that if an 1987 Buick can navigate every pothole from Raytown to Lee’s Summit, so can a robo-cart deliver our sherbets. But if my afternoon tea gets interrupted by a singing truck shouting “Last scoop of the day!”, that’s when I'll park my Buick in the roundabout and demand answers.