7-Day Forecast
Because you need to know exactly how fucked you'll be
Weather Commentary
Helpful Weather Tips from Our "Meteorologist"
- If the temperature is below 32°F, water might do that solid thing
- Rain probability of 50% means we're exactly as unsure as you are
- Wind speeds are measured in "how messed up your hair will be" units
- Humidity over 80% means your hair has already given up
- If you don't like the weather in Missouri, wait 5 minutes (this one's actually true)
A Note from Our Reformed Meteorologist
"I've upgraded from looking out the window to actually using weather APIs. It's been a difficult transition - turns out 'partly cloudy with a chance of whatever' isn't a real forecast. Who knew? The good news is our accuracy has improved from 'complete guess' to 'educated guess based on science.' Progress!"
- Chief Meteorologist, Recently Discovered the Internet
Disclaimer: Our weather data now comes from Open-Meteo, a legitimate weather service. We can no longer blame our inaccuracy on making things up. Any remaining inaccuracies are entirely the fault of nature being unpredictable. The Jaco Journal is still not responsible for any weather-related decisions, but at least now we have someone else to blame.